Bizarre Animal Mating Rituals That We Wish Hadn't Been Discovered
Right this moment, there are millions of creatures across the planet gettin' down and dirty — and some are getting much dirtier than others. If you think your love life as a human is complicated, just know that at least you don't have to worry about your significant other or casual partner biting your head off, lobbing feces at your face, or strangling you to death. Believe it or not, those aren't even the weirdest parts. If any of these 20 bizarre mating rituals sound appealing to you, call a sex therapist immediately.
1. Garter Snakes: Yearly Orgies
Snake orgy, anyone? Each spring, male garter snakes emerge from the ground and gang-up on the biggest female they can find. The poor — or lucky, if you're into that — female is trampled by over 100 males at once. And she has to give birth after. Rough start, but snake orgies look innocent compared to this next mating ritual.
2. Porcupines: Golden Showers
Porcupines have an odd way of showing affection: once a year, within a small 8-12 hour timeframe, females allow the males to urinate on them from the treetops. Yup, you read that right. Then, females pick their favorite odor, search for their smelly match, and mate for a while — sometimes over 12 hours! And they're not the only lovers who know how to seize a good opportunity.
3. Marsupial Mice: Exterminated
These little marsupials have a very short window of time to get busy before horror strikes. Males have only a few weeks out of their year-long lifespan to release sperm. Then, whether they successfully find a mate or not, they develop ulcers, lose all their fur, and die. Seem completely unfair? Well, they aren't the only males whose sex ends with death.
4. Bees: Death by Queen
For drone bees, getting laid means suffering an immediate — and painful — end. After ejaculating, the male's insides literally explode, crippling him until the queen is finished, at which point she rips his genitals from his body. The poor drone collapses and dies while the queen casually stores his semen to be used later, if she so chooses. But not all males in the animal kingdom have such unfair roles.
